Vandana Katariya, the irreplaceable forward who played over 300 matches for India, bids farewell

After 320 international appearances and 158 goals spread over 15 years that saw her become irreplaceable in the Indian women’s hockey team, Vandana Katariya decided to call it a day the only way she knows – through actions, not words.

On Tuesday, speaking soon after she announced her decision to retire from international hockey through a social media post thanking her teammates, coaches and supporters, its magnitude was not lost on the 32-year old. “I have agreed to talk but honestly, I don’t know what to say. I am blank at the moment, both in words and thoughts. Crying, laughing, feeling both happy and sad, I am not in the zone to explain myself. And all I want is to spend some time with my team, people who have been my friends and family all these years,” she admitted.

There were no tears but the blankness on her face was perhaps a lot more telling, as was the voice that looked on the verge of breaking but never did, controlled by the veneer of professionalism that has marked her career all through – so much so that when she missed out on the Paris Olympics qualifiers in 2024 after a freak hit to the face a day before the tournament started, it was the only injury-related exclusion in her long association with the national team. It also led to a series of ‘what ifs’ on India’s broken Paris dreams.

“Honestly, one player cannot do anything, it’s a team effort. But yes, I would have definitely tried to give more than 100 percent, do my best for the team and maybe I could have helped, my experience and hard work bringing something that would have been useful for the team. But the past cannot be changed,” she smiled sadly.

The invaluable introvert

As the most capped female Indian hockey player ever, Vandana has been part of some of the team’s biggest triumphs. She was a workhorse who forced the spotlight on herself on the field not through histrionics but her sheer presence, pace and contribution to the team. Even as the senior most player in the team, her lightning runs down the sidelines, her ability to find the gaps, the precise angles to score and the ability to set up players upfront when no space was evident made her invaluable. Her fist pumps on scoring were the only trace of aggression in someone who often tried to sneak away once the match was over.

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She explained that while the decision was taken over the last two days and the team and staff informed on Monday, it had been on her mind for a while, not explicitly but as a constantly nagging thought. “Players like Savita, Sushila, Navneet, Neha, Nikki, those who never left me alone at any time, stood by me. It was shocking for everyone but it also felt good when they said nice things about me,” she laughed.

The decision, while surprising, is not entirely unexpected. Since the change of guard in Indian women’s hockey, there has been a clear move towards planning for the future with youngsters at the core of the team, starting with the appointment of Salima Tete as captain. Vandana could control everything but not her age.

Her list of achievements is sterling — gold at the Asian Champions Trophy (2016, 2023) and the Nations Cup (2022), silver at the Asian Games (2018) and WACT (2013, 2018), bronze at the 2022 Commonwealth Games and 2014 and 2022 Asian Games besides the historic 4th-place finish at the Tokyo Olympics. She was given the Arjuna Award (2021) and the Padma Shri (2022), was named Hockey India Player of the Year in 2014 and Forward of the Year (2021, 2022).

But it all started way back in 2013 when the Indian women won bronze for their maiden Junior World Cup medal. Vandana was the team’s top scorer there while Rani Rampal was named Player of the Tournament. Together, they became the lynchpins of Indian attacks for the next decade. But while Rani struggled with injuries all her life, Vandana was the rock that never broke. Her work ethics during training are legendary and she’s set a benchmark that youngsters will find tough to breach.

Battles off the field

It has not been an easy journey, though. Hailing from Roshanabad in Haridwar, the struggle to reach the very top had its share of sacrifices but the worst came when her house and family was targeted with casteist slurs and blamed after Tokyo Olympics. It was a shocker but the team rallied round her with Rani stepping up as the captain in support to slam the abusers. A year later, she was honoured with the Padma Shri.

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It’s easy to overstate the importance of team support but when one spends almost 300 days a year away from home, it’s the people you play with who become your family. Asked what she would miss the most, Vandana finally showed signs of breaking down. “Some players like Savita and Sushila always knew when I was sad even without my saying anything. I would try hard but I just could not lie to them and if I did, they would know. Relationships like that are not easy to develop, even families often don’t have them. I will miss that support,” she said tearfully.

But it was momentary as the battle-hardened professional was soon back in control, just like she used to be on field after every missed chance and lost ball. Back in 2023, when she completed her 300 caps, Vandana had said, “ sabka sapna sath leke chalna hai (Need to carry everyone’s dream”. Now, she has a few dreams of her own that remain unfulfilled. “When we missed a medal in Tokyo, we thought we will do it in Paris. That didn’t happen. But there is a lot to achieve in future – Asian Games gold, a medal at the World Cup, LA Olympics. I will not be part of the team but I want my team to do it all and I will be cheering for them all the way,” she declared.